Golden Lessons for “Avoiding the Networking Disconnect”
Golden Lessons for “Avoiding the Networking Disconnect”
Brennan Scanlon and Dr. Ivan Misner tell you how to build the richest relationships of your life
In 2021, my wife and I were neck-deep in wedding planning. There was always something we had to do. Invitations, table decorations, and picking the food and drinks, were just a few things on the list. It was the biggest event we had ever planned, and we wanted to make sure it was a special day for us and our guests to remember.
When selecting a DJ, my wife quickly thought to ask DJ Butlers “Music By Request”, a DJ company in Greater Cincinnati that her late cousin-in-law, Brennan Scanlon, had DJ’ed for a decade earlier. We thus picked our wedding DJ by referral.
A couple years earlier, my wife had told me that the same cousin-in-law, Brennan, had written a book about networking. I curiously bought a copy when looking to improve my professional relationships and absorb just a little of Brennan’s networking gifts.
Brennan was wildly successful in his profession, having been voted as one of the top 10% of Business Networking International’s (BNI) Executive Directors three times, named in the Cincinnati Business Courier’s Forty Under Forty , and known as an internationally renowned speaker by numerous trade associations. My wife raved about him and how he touched countless people’s lives with a magnetic personality that always left them wanting more time with him. Whether he was talking to wealthy clients or people of modest backgrounds, he always made them feel special.
Tragically, Brennan lost his life in 2019, but his legacy lives on. In his short 41 years, he helped thousands of entrepreneurs in the Cincinnati area grow their business, and countless more worldwide. While recently reading the book for the second time, I felt called to honor Brennan and share some of the book’s most important points with readers of this blog.
Brennan’s Book
Co-authored with BNI Founder and New York Times best selling-author Dr. Ivan Misner, the book Avoiding the Networking Disconnect: The Three R's to Reconnect reads like a networking bible for anyone looking to up their relationship building game in business, but it transcends into any relationship with a human. Relatable stories are told unique to the authors’ lives in California and Cincinnati where Dr. Misner and Brennan are from, respectively.
Almost Everyone doesn’t know how to Network
The way that most people network is misguided. The authors point out that people are sellers when trying to build relationships. Instead of giving when initially meeting someone for the first time, they ask for something first. Compounding the problem, most businesses rely on cold calling that can be time consuming and ineffectual.
In one networking mishap, at a recent networking event near Washington, D.C., one gentleman introduced himself to me and a few others already in conversation. He instantly passed his business cards around and was clearly trying to sell, without asking anyone that he gave his card to for their names. I don’t know anything about him, other than his title, email address, and phone number.
What is the solution?
Relationships ➡ Referrals ➡ Results
Cultivate relationships by being a buyer, i.e. helping others. Play the long-term game.
Referrals will be generated by the relationships created.
The results will follow.
While it sounds simple, it is anything but, and is a process that takes time. To truly appreciate the journey and the meat of the concepts, reading the book is the only way to absorb its principles in their entirety.
For a short preview, below are some of the key points that I learned.
Takeaways for Becoming a Better Networker
Know Yourself
Before networking, it’s important to have self awareness of why you do what you do. To see the forest through the trees. What makes you get out of bed every day. We can often tell people what we do, but skip why we do it. For example, financial advisor Christen Luken featured in the book, introduces herself to people as a financial lifeguard. Previously she was in a poor relationship that was “drowning” her financially. Now she helps people who are struggling with their finances get to a safe place to catch her breath, and then teaches them how to swim financially. This is her why.
For Brennan, he kept a pair of his late brother Brady’s old, worn out work boots from Brady’s Four Leaf Landscaping company in his garage so that he could see them every day he left for work and came home. Like a supercharger for an electric sportscar, the boots energized his soul. Remembering and honoring his brother’s legacy was his why.
Focus on Referrals
Of the options growing any business, Brennan mentions that it is mostly limited to advertising, public relations (e.g. press releases), cold calling, and referrals. Advertising may end up with a bunch of low quality leads. Public relations campaigns are hard to measure success. Cold calling is time consuming. Referrals? They require time to build authentic relationships but are free and have a higher closing percentage.
Remember the 6th degree of separation theory for growing referrals.
“The theory that any person on the planet can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than five intermediaries.”
For example, looking for a new job? Instead of applying to endless job boards that can feel like you’re submitting your resume into a black hole, why not reach out to your network? Think about all of the people that can help lead you to a new career opportunity.
Become a Networking Catalyst
If you send a Christmas card to someone, you are giving, and they tend to send one back. Instinctively deliver things or services to people without them asking. Always be on the lookout for the opportunity to help someone. They will automatically want to reciprocate the favor, and your taking the opportunity to deliver value to them without being asked will catalyze a positive relationship.
Additionally, despite the modern WFH environment, still take the time to attend in-person networking events such as conferences or tradeshows. Show up and see how you can deliver value to others in the room. You never know how that might propel you to establishing new relationships. Before I left for my first day of work, aged 16, working as a bagger at a grocery store, my dad said to me, “50% of a job is just showing up.” Use your willingness to show up and give to others to foster your relationships, professional and personal.
Don’t be Transactional
Like planting tomato seeds in a garden, it is unknown which seeds will grow. Gardeners with expectations that every tomato seed will survive and produce an abundance of sun-ripened tomatoes will be left disappointed. You might have an idea based on probabilities from prior seasons, and know that the more seeds you plant, the higher chance that more tomatoes plants will flourish.
Similar to planting, not everyone that you help will reciprocate. However, the more people that you help, the more your own life will be rewarded.
One story in the book detailed a business person that counts her success at networking events by the amount of business cards she collects. As Dr. Misner says, “this isn’t networking, it’s card collecting.” Likewise, just because you brought 20 business cards to a networking event and were able to pass them out to 20 strangers, it does not mean that they will call you back for business. Don’t treat your interactions with others as a transaction of business card exchange. All you’ll end up with is a stack of new bookmarks.
Stand Out From The Pack
In this digital age, never has it been easier to avoid people, which means that it is simpler than ever to separate yourself from the rest of humanity. Even calling someone seems to be going out of style. Research from CommBank, one of the Big Four banks in Australia, found that 87% of the Gen Z generation text instead of picking up the phone for an unpleasant task, with 49% admitting feeling anxious speaking on the phone.
Calling someone on the phone, in business or your personal life, is an opportunity to be memorable.
When you get a hand written card in the mail for your birthday, how does it make you feel? Knowing that the sender had to:
Pick out the card
Jot down a thoughtful message
Buy a stamp
Write your full name and address
Lick the envelope to seal the card
Drop the card into a mailbox
Compared to sending a birthday text with a generic emoji in a few finger strokes on a smartphone.
One of my most favorite ways to stand out in business, courtesy of Brennan’s book, is sending thank you cards whenever possible. Finished an informational interview referred by an old colleague several jobs back? They get a card (assuming I have their business address). Recently I was treated out for dinner by a business partner at one of the embassies in D.C. I sent them a thank you card, and they replied via email wanting to send me a book based off a comment I wrote on recounting something in conversation at dinner. Cards cost little, but they make people feel special.
Closing Thoughts
Just like life is a journey, the “Three R’s to Connect” take time. However, by taking the time to develop relationships in ways mentioned in the book, you too might be led to referrals and see better results. You might even develop some of the richest relationships of your life.
While I aspire to reach just 1% of Brennan’s gift for networking, I hope that some of the takeaways from his book with Dr. Misner can also inspire you towards greater relationship-building success.
📕Interested in diving deeper into Brennan and Dr. Misner’s book? A copy can be picked up here.
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I can always sniff out when someone just wants to sell me something. And I always turn away from them- it’s so off-putting! Relationships really are everything. Especially when you can build them on something that has nothing to do with your career.